Parents play such a large  part in our lives that’s its practically impossible to not be influenced by them.  We admire them, learn from them and in many cases, aspire to be like them.  I think most of us end up being like them in one way or another, whether we consciously plan it or not- so great is the influence.

I love and admire my parents for a lot of things. I am putting it out on a list here. What comes straight to my mind, features  here.

The mother

  1. Persistence. If she’s set her mind on it, she’ll persist till she gets it. Very ant-like :)
  2. The ability to smile through difficulties.
  3. Commitment.  Of the highest order to her family, her job, her hobbies and her chosen path.
  4. Making the most of whatever resources, people, situations life sends her way.
  5. Putting others first. Caring for them. Being there for them. Making their lives easier, more comfortable and joyous.
  6. Spontaneity.
  7. Helpfulness.
  8. The insatiable desire to learn.
  9. The will and ability to stretch the mind and self beyond limits
  10. The ability to see the funny side of things.

The father

  1. Honesty. Father=honesty.
  2. Hard-work .
  3. Saying a lot, with a little. Most people over-use, misuse or carelessly use them. Not the father. No one speaks in doses as perfectly measured as him. Quite an art, I think.
  4. Calmness.
  5. Material detachment. Another area perfected. It’s coupled with generosity and that’s what makes it truly great.
  6. The ability to take on life’s challenges.
  7. Being there for the family.
  8. Finding happiness in the same and simple things of life.
  9. Expressing love in the smallest and cutest ways. Remember the “ugly” watch, the flourecent pink dress material, the chicken sandwiches in the tiffin, pa? All very sweet gestures.
  10. The ability to fix-it. All gadgets of all types will be restored to previous working conditions, only with a few screws missing. :)

What is it that you admire most about your parent/s? Comments space is all yours.

..doing the rounds in my head these days…

  1. How is it that your oldest friends are your best friends? They make the most fun people to hang out with, the best sounding boards and confidantes. The news ones are good, but just not as good.
  2. How is it that when you think life is headed in a particular direction, it makes a sharp U-turn and takes you somewhere you didn’t even imagine?
  3. How does your mother know what you are going to say before you have said it?
  4. How does your father know you’ve messed up your finances for the month, though you haven’t told him? (Hi dad, this is not a statement on my current status. I am doing fine. Really. :) )
  5. How is it that the day you shop for everything you will reach home and find out you’ve missed out one essential thing?
  6. How is the cupboard always overflowing?
  7. How is it that when you think you’ve figured people out, you will learn you’ve peeled  just one layer, a lot still remains to discover.
  8. How is it so hard to define what “something nice to eat” is?
  9. How has it become difficult to speak a complete sentence entirely in Hindi or English?
  10. How has children’s understanding of disciple and respect changed so much in such little time?
  11. How is it that there is no perfect mobile phone?
  12. How has fashion changed jeans so much that it’s impossible to get a regular pair now?

S: How is it going?

Me: Depends on what “it” is…

S: What do you think it is?

Me: Life in general? And that’s just fine. *pause*  I think. *pause*   I am never entirely sure.

S: No one ever  is.

 

Thank god.

I read this a long, long time ago. In some magazine, somewhere in my grandmother’s house. It was so long ago, that I couldn’t recall the name of the author or the title of the write-up. (Eating those almonds as a child- the ones I fed street dogs and ants- would have benefited me. No kidding.) Without the specifics, all these years the primary message stayed with me. When some days back I wanted to read the entire write up again, I resorted to Google. A few keywords and one hit at Google led me to the original text.

It’s a write up that, I think, applies so well to life.

When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at
her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed
me that she was embroidering. I told her that it looked like a mess from where I
was. As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little
round hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat. She would smile at me, look down and gently say, “My son, you
go about your playing for awhile, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I
will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side.”

I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones
and why they seemed so jumbled from my view. A few minutes would pass and
then I would hear Mother’s voice say, “Son, come and sit on my knee.”

This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset. I
could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy. Then Mother
would say to me, “My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you
did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was
only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing.”

Many times through the years I have looked up to my Heavenly Father and said, “Father, what are You doing?” He has answered, “I am embroidering your life.” I
say, “But it looks like a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so
dark. Why can’t they all be bright?” The Father seems to tell me, “My child, you
go about your business of doing my business, and one day I will bring you to
Heaven and put you on My knee and you will see the plan from My side.”

~ Author Unknown ~

I suspect that was the management’s way of taking away the one weekly holiday we get. They called it “team building” and camouflaged it wonderfully. Then they got us excited about it by saying it will include fun and games. Gullible that we were, we got all charged up.

So one Sunday, not very long ago, we put on our shoes and jeans and reached Paintball Adventures in Gurgaon.

We were made to wear protective overalls and face masks (both 2 sizes big for me). Each player was handed a gun loaded with tiny paint balls. Teams were drawn. It was the Red Team v/s the Black Team. The adventure game organizer, a young lady with a loud voice, explained the rules of the game. The game essentially involved 2 opposing teams occupying a designated area designed like a battle field and strategizing and warring to capture a flag kept in the opposite team’s bunker. The competition warmed up. The teams huddled together and strategized. The game wasn’t just a game now. It was all about warring & winning.

Before she let us into the war zone,the lady repeated the safety rules. No shooting at close point. No shooting on/near the face. No shooting from behind.

“Yes, that’s clear. We have all this gear also, but how will we know if someone attacks us with their gun from behind? ”asked a senior in the team.

“The paint ball will burst and there will be a bright orange paint splotch. Your team members will tell you” said the organizer.

An 8 year old had just finished his game and was hanging around us.

He looked at us, 10 educated looking, 30+ adults…. and said solemnly  “You will feel it, Uncle”

Yup, you will. Some things are simply like that- experiential.

The older we  get, the more we intellectualise, sometimes unnecessarily…and embarrassingly.

:)

“4 hands

2 heads

and a secretary please.”

I submitted that request a month ago and (obviously) didn’t get any of the things I asked for.   Life’s spinning a little out of control nowadays. It’s mostly been crazy on the work front- new projects, new people in the team and some encouraging results of the hard work put in together. It’s been rewarding but tiring.  Not tiring enough for me to crib about it (yet). I prefer action- packed days to days spend twiddling my thumbs. It’s far better to work hard and crash at the end of the day than to sit at night and what you achieved.

When there is so much happening on the work front, it’s natural to have a post of a work-related aspect. (A fun-ner travel post will follow.) I have had a trainee with me for the last 3 months. A young girl with a pretty face and a soft voice, who chose to intern in my department, though she would have been better suited in another department.   She came through the recommendation of a senior. We weren’t certain if she would be suited to the department’s nature of work, but with the recommendation note being waved in front of our faces, we took her on.

I tend to be judgmental about students/interns who come via the “approach route”, but I try to keep my biases at bay. Students must be assessed as individuals. Their backgrounds/recommendation letters/ parental connections shouldn’t colour our judgment of them.

Engaging with the intern closely was an eye-opener in many ways.  Her student life and mine were poles apart.

I come from a regular middle class family and I learnt early on that life=hard work. It was something learnt simply by observation. The parents worked hard. Both held jobs where they worked honestly and diligently.  The home front was never neglected- I don’t remember a single day when I didn’t get a home-cooked packed lunch or when I didn’t get academic support or when either or both parents were not available when I needed them.  Our home was basic, but always warm and welcoming, neat and well-kept.  My grandparents were as hard working. My grandmother didn’t work outside the house, but there wasn’t a single thing she didn’t do in-house- from tossing up great meals, to stitching clothes, to turning waste into gorgeous decoration pieces, to knitting and embroidering….. My grandfather was a professor and spent his spare time writing books. Everyone in the family worked hard. There was no other way of doing things.

When as an adolescent I had phases of doing things “my way” -which essentially meant taking it easy and doing nothing- they didn’t last long. The parents were quick to give me a reality check.   Basic fundamentals of life were made clear and like everyone else in the family, I learnt to live by them.

This sweet talking, cute looking intern was quite different from any of the previous interns I had worked with; or for that matter, my memories of myself as an intern. Everyone at office arrived at their desks by 9, the intern would waltz in at 10. She would normally leave by 3:30-4:00.   She preferred to choose her work- field work in the dusty and dirty Gurgaon villages wasn’t nice, writing reports and compiling data got boring,  working on holidays for special events wasn’t possible and travelling even short distances without a car was out of the question. Tasks given would take forever to finish and they would be done half-heartedly. A big chunk of the day was spent chatting on BBM or taking calls. It soon came to a point when where wasn’t much work I could involve her in.

It was hard to understand how such a disconnect existed between her expressed aspirations and actions. On her first day at work she expressed her desire to be independent, to work as a profession and move out of the shadow of her dominating (very well connected and very rich) father. Her actions didn’t match her aspirations. A quick, subtle chat session of getting the work life in order didn’t help. I followed that up with several hints on pulling up her socks….and then a warning. I made her reporting system more stringent. None of that worked.  She heard me alright, but it didn’t hit her. She knew she wasn’t being honest to herself or the job, but somewhere inside she knew she always had her father to bail her out. The sad fact of life is that some things can we worked out with pots of money & the right connections.  Once children know that, it is unlikely that they will care much for values such as honestly, hard work, integrity.  The pots of money and connections will serve you well for some part of your life, but I doubt if they work in the long term.  She knew  the MBA seat she wanted could be bought. She knew she could get a job by pulling a few strings. Why then was there any need to work at all?

I usually enjoy working with interns and this is the first time I have been so disappointed by one.  Not just disappointed that she did not learn anything concrete or do anything substantial while she was with us, but disappointed that like her there are other young people being brought up on the wrong value system, taking away opportunities that other’s deserve and doing nothing with the opportunities they have grabbed.

4 hands

2 heads

and a secretary please.

 

That’s what I need to cope with life these days.  A series of posts on all the stuff that needs 4 hands+2 heads+ a secy, coming up.

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