A long time back I used to maintain a personal diary. That was when I lived in the hostel in Delhi and had a couple of strange creatures as roommates. Those who lived outside the room believed they were humans  but those who lived in the room(that basically meant only me) knew better. The diary was my sole saviour back then. I would scribble away at night using the blank pages to rave, rant, crib, pray-essentially pour out my heart.

As inconsistent as I tend to be, I think I maintained that diary for about an year, after which a-I simply got bored of it and b- I got better roomies! And so it got thrown into a large carton along with tens of other books and notebooks at the end of the academic year. And eventually it got carted all the way to Bombay. There it got bundled up with assorted combinations of books and was moved from one loft to another. Space crunch coupled with my adamant desire to hang on to course books I will never ever need, forced me to find “newer” places to stack things up.  

I accidentally unearthed it while rummaging through one of my drawers last evening. I haven’t a clue how it reached the drawer from the loft, but it did. And I am mighty glad it did!  It gave me an hour of absolute joy. Reading it was like reliving my past. In retrospect all the things I had jotted down seemed somewhat trivial. I mean I have genuinely written letters to the Almighty asking for help in locating the correct books/notes in the library. All I can say in my defence is I was 21.There’s a lot of other stuff too but I think I will refrain from publishing it here.

I found this passage scribbled on a piece of paper attached to the diary. Some of the words used aren’t particularly politically correct but I love the essential meaning of the passage. I must have read it somewhere and liked it enough to write it down to preserve it. I think its worth a read.

I asked God

I asked God to take away my pain
God said no.
It is not for me to take away but for you to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said no.
His spirit in whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said no.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations, it isn’t granted it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said no.
I give you blessings, happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare the pain.
God said no.
Suffering draws you apart from the  worldly cares and beings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said no.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all the things that I may enjoy life.
God said no.
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked Go to help me love others as much as He loved me.
God said……………Ahh, at last you have the idea.