Watch it!!

Have you noticed how we sometimes make errors while writing or speaking that cause great embarrassment and awkwardness? We don’t intent to say or write the wrong thing but it just seems to happen. It’s like a phenomenon outside the realm of our control. Typos are a common cause for embarrassment.Or so I’d  like to believe to salvage my self-image after admitting in this post that I am extremely prone to making them, thanks to my carelessness.  Some years back I was crowned  the Typo Queen by a friend who found it extremely taxing to constantly interpret my typos on chat.  I shouldn’t even be wasting any space on my typos. You guys get to read them almost each time you read a post here. My mom, whenever she finds the time to reads a post or two, promptly points out the typos and makes me correct them. If you live in her house, you jolly well do what she asks you to. Not only have I written wrong spelling often, I have also had a few classic foot in mouth moments along the way-the kind that make you wonder why you couldn’t keep your mouth shut in the first place. Like Ritu’s son, I have called my mother a good cooker in front of a room full of hostel friends, who first laughter their hearts out, and then went on to make my life  living hell teasing me relentlessly about the fabulous cooker for days together. Somewhere around the same time, aka the Era of the Fabulous Cooker, I inadvertently called my poor beloved father an electrician instead of an electrical engineer. This time around I was surrounded by a few nice friends who tried to cover up for me, turning the whole thing into a joke by finding similar equivalents for their dads.  So the builder became a construction worker, the scientist a lab technician and the professor an assistant teacher. More recently I have been found using self explanatory English words like “talken” while speaking to seniors  at work and have been caught almost calling a colleague’s wife a fisherwoman. I have nothing to say in my defence other than “These things just seem to happen! I am really not responsible!!” Come to think of it, the foot in mouth disease is probably a genetic thing. I know of this one super distant uncle – I think I have met him exactly twice in all my  entire life and thank God for that- who suffers from a serious case of the disease. But unlike me, he tends to embarrass others more than himself. Like the time he was describing this wonderful vacation he had taken with his family to my mom at a crowded party and said ” aap ko bhi wahan vacation par jaana chahiye. The beaches, I tell you, are just erotic!” My mom dint know where to look, the man dint know what he had said wrong. Somewhere in the large gene pool that I have accumulated from both my parents’ side, could be this foot-in-mouth gene. Its possible. I dont know anyone else in the family who suffers from the disease. It might be one of those latent genes that shows up in 1 per 100 family members.

Typos aside there are also cases where a sentence sounds perfectly alright to us when we construct it in our head or write it out and perfectly wrong when we re-read it or someone else reads it. The kind that give a completely wrong picture and lend an unintended connotation. I haven’t made any of those errors… yet… but I have encoutered a couple of them made by others in my professional domain.

 While flipping through various documents at work I found some “blunderful” errors that sounded so funny when I read them that I just had to share them with you.  The sole purpose of writing them down here is to bring a smile to your face.   I, in no way, mean to make fun of those who have inadvertently written them. I would be the last person to make fun. God know I may move from my presently harmless typos to the next more dangerous level anytime.  The lines in italics are my first reactions on reading the lines.

 Sample 1:
“Our health programme has shown tremendous impact in the villages. Common diseases are being treated in the early stages.  Referrals are made to government hospitals in serious cases that cannot be treated by our doctors. RCH (reproductive and child health) in the area has seen considerable improvement. Majorly our achievements in RCH can be mentioned as below:

167 neonates vaccinated.
206 expectant mothers provided with supplements
144 institutional deliveries
4 maternal deaths.”

 (!!) Maternal death? An achievement!? You defeat the whole purpose of your employment, young man!

Sample 2:
“It was noted that in the monsoon the lone seasonal river of the village overflew.”

Oh cool, flying rivers!

 Sample 3:
“We have conducted 3STD camps. This month our patients reduced to only 12. In the next month we will make more effort to create more patients”

Err I though your job was to reduce patients. Spread awareness and curb the spread of the disease. Things work funnily in the developmental field- it’s not always about numbers here. And what exactly does creating patients mean anyway?

 Sample 4: Contributed by the boss during one of her  lighter moods.
“Dear Madam,
I have seen your advertisement for a job vacancy. I would like to appraise you…”

Oh yeah? And after appraising her do you think you will get an interview call?

A typo, an incorrectly used word, a wrongly framed sentence- all causes for great embarrassment and discomfiture, but all equally good post material!

32 thoughts on “Watch it!!

  1. tell me about it.. 😀
    I am a foot in the mouth queen too 😀
    though mine come oce in a blue moon but they always end with horrifying results.. 😀

    you called your Electrical engineer father an electrician? 😀
    and what did he say to that eh? 😀

    ”The beaches, I tell you, are just erotic!”ROFL!!
    what??He said that? 😀

    life’s made up of these moments..this is why we have relatives you know..heh!heh!to provide some much needed entertainment:)

    and as for your foot in the mouth diesase.. 😀
    *pats Mandira sympathetically*
    there there..itll work out…from one sufferer to another 😀

    • see?I am an amnesiac!
      I mean I had read this post and yet I was all curious and all wondering what Crafty Shines was talking about 😀
      and I agree with Crafty this IS a great post! honest!
      😀

      lol…not amnesiac… you just read too many posts in a day to remember ’em all!!great post you say? thank you, i say!

  2. too much!! mandy…hugs to u man! i fell off my chair, fell thru the ceiling of the floor below, climbed back up, and laughed some more!!! Me do interchangin of front alphabets. My friends call it Shini Syndrome. Some famous ones recited even today: Pls craw the durtains, sollow hylindrical tube, are those plue bants?
    read all the connected posts, conversations was lol material!!!! i love ur ROFL humourous post, n i love u, typos n all 😀

  3. @indyeah- thanks for teh sympathatic pat.. u make me feel better. u wud make me feel “better-er” if u did a post on ur foot in mouth moments. are u game?btw, my dad still doesnt know i called him that… mom does tho…

    @crafty-i am glad u laffed like mad but hope u werent hurt!shini syndrome,eh? do u say things that way, or write them that way? i had a friend in school who used to say “pl pass me teh bater wottle” (!!). n not once.. but repeatedly….and does the syndrome wane away with age or smthing?

    @crafty-lol.. 😀

  4. Mandira so many of us have this interesting disease 🙂

    The cutest typo was the first comment on a post on Modi,
    Dead IHM
    🙂 I am sure he meant dear not dead 🙂

    Foot in the mouth disease also means spontaneity, and openness, quite welcome and lovable I would say 🙂

  5. 😀
    will try sometime..though my attempts at humour are lame at best 😀

    loved yours a lot 🙂

    @IHM LOL dead??oh man !and on Modi too?:D how much of a co incidence is that? 😉

    IHM..awww…see Mandira?We are open,welcoming and spontaneous and lovable :D:D

  6. and…i counted the typos u have made in this post itself…the foot in mouth once happened to me…i went to meet a lady architect for marketing my products…instead of asking her ” could i take a few minutes of your time?”..i asked her ” could i spend some time with you?”…seeing her reaction and realising my slip of tongue i instantly added..”to make a product presentation”…

  7. Mandu, I love typos. Sach mein I love them. It makes posts funnier. I also use some words intentionally even if it doesn’t belong in a sentence like my most recent post ‘too much perfection’.. ‘too much’ was intentional for the effect.

    So keep making those typos and let us all have a good laugh.

    A dyslexic me takes some time to comprehend at times.

  8. LOL…this was hilarious! Fabulous cooker and electrician indeed 🙂 You know these are the mistakes I make ALL the time. Not funny when it happens to me but its fun reading about yours 😉 Just kidding. You know we love you all the same ….cant get enough of your posts….typos and all 🙂

  9. LOL! That was hilarious! Can empathize with you only too well. Reminded me of the time when I gushingly complimented our brand managers with, “your dress is awful!” (instead of awesome) You should have seen the look on her face!

  10. @manju- oh no, not at all!

    @athira- i have no idea…

    @biju- 😀 havent u heard?flying rivers in the new rage..

    @IHM-whaaaaaaaaaa!!dead ihm!! reallly!! n he dint come back to make a correction? i do that sometimes.. i guess u are rt,typos can mean spontaneity and openness too..

    @indyeah- try try..really its not that tough..for all u know u have a hidden untapped talent for humour..we wont know it you try…

    @bethebird-so lets hear a few of ur’s,shall we?

    @doodles- do u want to point out the typos on this one to me?how many did u find? btw,smart cover up there..:D

    @solilio-really?intentional incorrect usage of words is for a purpose…mine tend to be unintentional in most cases!

    @solilio-me too!

    @HC- all the time,eh? give us a few eg.s then…plissss!? for entertainment purposes only… do a post on it if u like… if u only like to do food posts on ur blog, u can be a guest writer on mine…anyyytime!

    @mysticmargarita-eeeeks! how did u get out of that one? or did u just simply say “sorry i meant awesome”?

    @pixie-but for u it must be happening rarely… with ppl like me, its a regular feature..

  11. lol…

    in our family we have one aunt how makes unbelievable errors while speaking she always jumbles up and is the star of all the funny dicsussions in the fmaily…

    gee i guess i make a post of it !! lol… at her sweet cost !!

    for e.g. jaldi se darwaja utarke seedi bandh karde !!

    lol…

    p.s. : Bharuch has the best peanuts in the world, and all gujarat sells Bharuch ka peanuts ! thats a given ok !! lol..

  12. teehee!! look at that! so long and u bleep at me for writing too much ! NOO FAIR ! I declare a paid bandh! 😀

    that was funnie!! ur talent is in narration … typos can be edited out by a boring editor … narration, not everyone can do. so i dont even notice typos that u mention!! mind u, i am very very very finicky about typos and wrong grammar … but then if the reading flow’s so good, blah, typos can rest. ;p

    also that 4 maternal deaths .. that did make me laugh … perhaps he meant 4 as opposed to normal 400 … which does make it an accomplishment ….. but it’s still funny in a sad kind of way. if u kno wha i mean.

  13. at least you (& me) make honest mistakes… 🙂
    i find it very annoying when people chat/write words like- gud (good), wud (would), 4 (for), etc etc…how long does it take to actually spell out the word?

  14. @dhiren- go ahead with that post…

    @solilio- hehhee 😀

    @crafty- hehehhee…u weally rish it na?:P

    @roop-see u do like 3 small(smtimes not so small) posts.. i do one..plus u write everyday..thats doesnt make us even!lol.. no no, he prob’ly wrote it there by mistake..

    @hc- ok then we have to meet. u tell me when n where.

    @nidhi- i write like that when i sms…sometimes, not always tho.n never in articles/posts.

    @deepanjan-point them out naaa!! that way u get to re-read and i get to make corrections without any effort on my part! 😛

    @anil-:)

  15. Haa, I have the same problem – I tend to think in English and then translate it to Hindi/ Bengali – leads to a whole lot of confusion I say 😛

  16. this is awesome! i have had my moments with typos!

    i had a classmate who had to speak about Beaches in India and said There are many Bitches in India! :p

    cheers!

  17. Hahaha,
    Funny, extremely funny.
    I also suffer from it. I occasionally do goof up…once i used the word Swap for Swipe.
    Can you believe it. Still it is better than creating STD patients, hhaha.

  18. Thanks for the laugh. I’m not sure you have your foot in your mouth–but you might have a gift for malapropisms! They have a long and honorable history. The word actually comes from a literary character who confused words in humorous ways. Some brains are wired a little differently in the way they store and retrieve words to begin with, and anyone speaking multiple languages is likely to have some fun with this. I won’t even tell you what I’ve said, attempting other languages.

    I have a friend (a native English speaker) who creates these all the time, It would hurt her feelings to point these so-called errors out, but I love them. I’m secretly collecting them for literary use someday. People will LOVE her character.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s